I am sitting here eating a donut and thinking that it is about time that I lose some weight for the annual 24h of July celebration.
Nothing motivates me to lose five pounds like the annual stroll in the park. The annual 24th-stroll has caused more people to lose weight and buy a new outfit than any other stimulus program in history.
Just because I don’t weigh the same as I did in high school doesn’t mean that I need to lose weight, does it? My other option is to rent some chubbier friends so that in comparison I look like Brad Pitt in the movie Thelma and Louise… hmmm, or I could wear vertical stripes.
I can tell when it is getting closer to the annual 24th-stroll because my too kind and loving wife will start hiding my Almond M&Ms and Pepsi and suggests that I eat an apple instead. I hate apples!
Green apples and green Almond M&Ms are as different as a chocolate covered donut and a rye bagel. One tastes good, the other keeps you regular.
I suppose if I starve myself for a few days I might fit into my skinny Levis, but then again… just a minute, I need to go get a Symphony bar and my Pepsi. Just thinking about working on losing weight is making me hungry.
In fact, I thought that perhaps it would be easier to just sew a different tag on my jeans so that the waist is smaller number than the inseam; but that almost seems so shallow and narcissist.
Does it really matter that as everybody takes the stroll down memory lane, all of us can’t wait to get to the car and turn to their spouse and say, “I am soooo glad I married you; did you see his receding hair line, or how big her mole is, you know I didn’t notice the hunch-back in high school, or FAKE!”
But, let’s face it, during the 24th-celebration most of the graduates from Monticello High School will be coming to town for the Mother-of-all-Reunions to see how the classmate that was voted “most likely to succeed” survived the recent housing crunch.
Remember when you attended MHS? Back then, you believed anyone out of high school was an Ol’ Geezer, well you were right. And now you are probably older than dirt. Look in the mirror. Who is that Ol’ Geezer?
I know that you don’t feel old, but look down at what you are wearing; knee length shorts with black socks pulled smartly up, dockers with gym shoes, or maybe you have worn magenta sweats to the grocery store, how about a shirt with a stain on it, or levis with the waist longer than the in-seam?
There you go, stand tall, try to suck in your gut and try to rationalize that you look pretty good for someone your age.
You can tell what reunions are occurring just based on who shows up. If it has been so long that you know the answers to the questions below, then your float will probably come with a defibrillator hooked to the battery. Okay, some of you have aged better than others, but is your memory still there? Here is an Ol’ Geezer Alumni Test to see if your blood runs Orange and Black and if you are a real alumni.
1. What doctor was All-State and MVP on an MHS state basketball championship team, but now calls Blanding home and whose dad grew up in Blanding but taught Seminary in Monticello and believes that annual treks to Hole in the Rock is a requirement for heaven?
a) Blenn Freestone, b) Curtis Black, c) Dr LaRose, or d) Dr Doug Wright?
2 Who’s Dale Maughan?
a) Principal of the High School, b) Wrestling coach, c) MHS’s first football coach, or d) Rhett’s youngest child?
3. Bill Boyle lost his hand:
a) when he was young, b) as a stripling warrior, c) when making an obscene gesture while driving, d) while attending Standford during an anti-war protest, e) he cut it off to send to Lynda because he didn’t dare cut off his ear.
4. What was MHS’s first school mascot and what were their colors?
5. What LDS General Authority attended MHS?
6. What year did MHS move from the school on Main Street to the School at its present location?
7. When was the first MHS graduating class?
8. Kansas, America, Alabama, Chicago, and Boston are places to go or rock bands?
9. Who is the best athlete from Blanding to move to Monticello: a) Jeff Nielson. b) David Lee, c) Mike Bowring, d) RT Nielson, e) Anyone that moved from Blanding to Monticello
10. Schaugaard, Hugentobler, Goon, and Blankenagel are: a) Polish immigrants, b) a law firm, c) spelled correctly, or d) Alumni
ANSWERS: 1) B 2) a, b, and c 3) A 22. 4) Blue Birds, blue & white. 5) Got you there. Bruce R. McConkie left Monticello long before high school. Paul V. Johnson, Church Commissioner of Education, is a 1972 graduate of MHS? 6) 1952 7) 1929 8) Both 9) They all claim to be 10) c and d
Score: 1-2, you probably graduated from Blanding, 3-4, you might have lived at Verdure or rode the bus, 5-6, you attended MHS sometime during your lifetime, 6-7, you graduated from MHS, 8-9, you should be the next Booster Club President and organize your next class reunion. 10, you cheated!