by Gary Torres
There are a couple of things that have occurred lately that have me upset. I don’t know a delicate way to say this, so if you are good at visualization, you may want to take off your glasses. In the last month there has been twice that I have left the house with my zipper unzipped.
And what is more disturbing is that those are just the times that I noticed; what if there were more times that I didn’t notice?
Just between you and me, has anyone else noticed and didn’t bother to tell me? I know it stresses a friendship, but really shouldn’t you be honest and just tell someone, “Psst. The barn door is open!”
What if they have broccoli in their teeth? Wouldn’t a good friend tell them before letting them go through a reception line or to the post office? I think a good friend would.
Let’s face it, leaving your zipper down is like leaving the garage door up on your house when you leave home. First off, people just can’t help but notice and it makes the house look vulnerable and unfinished.
And secondly, you don’t want the neighbors seeing what kind of equipment you have stored in there. I don’t follow too many rules, but a good rule of thumb is, “Don’t be showing the neighbors what tools you have stored in your garage, and zip-up, you must always zip up.”
I know that other people have left the barn door open before, and well, I am just too uncomfortable to say anything. What if they are doing it intentionally? I suppose they might.
Besides for macho men what are they doing looking anyway? It is like telling Bubba, “Bubba, you look so cute in those levis.” Even if he does, not many men are secure enough in their masculinity, and in touch enough with their femininity, to say so.
Women say things like that all the time, not to Bubba mind you, but to other women. “Are those new? They are soooo cute.” Honestly, most women just drape a towel over Bubba when he is stretching carpet or checking the sink drain and then scurry out of the room.
Needless to say, I am completely discombobulated at my complete lack of dignity walking around town without a care in the world. I think Shakespeare said it first, “To zip or not to zip, that is the question.” By the way, that wasn’t William, I think it was Scott.
I just want to know if this is a phase that I am going through. Have others driven off with the garage door up, the cupboard doors open, the barn door open? I think they have. I have seen those guys at the morning coffee club and I don’t think they are completely awake until after they have their coffee, so it is very likely they were in too big a hurry and may not have hit the garage door button to shut the door before they left home.
I know one of them, we wont’ mention names (John), walked off with some woman’s coat the other day and wore it for some time.
It ain’t so noticeable when you don’t zip up your coat, but if you don’t zip up your pants I think there should be a universal signal that polite society could use to warn you, or those around you, that you have left things down that should be up, or open that should be closed, or unbuttoned that should be buttoned.
I think we will come up with it right now. How about we just say, “Hi there Mr. CaveGuy isn’t it a ZIP-a-dee-doo-dah Day?” That should do it don’t you think?