by Bill Boyle
Dear Mr. Creeper,
Wow, you have raised quite a stir in this little town. In the past few months, with a handful of home entries and a name that a Hollywood scriptwriter couldn’t top, you have set our peaceful little town on edge.
You don’t have to do much any more. Every time a branch scrapes against the window, or a deer walks in the backyard or someone temporarily misplaces their wallet, suspicions begin that the Creeper is at work.
It may seem fun to you, but you probably need to stop. I am afraid someone might get killed and it might be you.
I know, I know, I know. The word is that no one has been attacked and nothing has been stolen. They won’t even call it breaking and entering since you haven’t broken anything.
However, a large number of people are fitfully sleeping with their finger on the trigger, ready to blow you to smithereens.
I have an idea. Go ahead and turn yourself in and claim the $1,000 reward.
Plead guilty to the charges (probably Criminal Trespass, a Class B misdemeanor), pay your $250 fine, and you might still pocket $750.