In an unexpected announcement today, the Bubba Fan Club has announced that our very own CaveGuy wins the prestigious “NoBull Piece Prize”.
This was announced in time to parallel the presentation of the Nobel Peace Prize which President Obama won for his “extraordinary efforts to strengthen international diplomacy and cooperation between peoples”.
In a related note, many troops will not be able to attend as they are being shipped out.
The NoBull Piece Prize was awarded to Cave-Guy for at least the same amount of effort and track record as was the Nobel Peace Prize and carries with it the same amount of deserved recognition as the green ribbon that CaveGuy won in the 4th grade spelling bee.
In a prepared press statement, CaveGuy emphatically stated, “I did not sleep with Tiger, I do not have a text message requesting me to change my caller-ID, and…oops, wrong prepared statement… as I was saying. I have worked as hard as President Obama and I humbly accept the NoBull Piece Prize and can unequivocally state that ‘I do not view it as recognition of my own accomplishments’, with as much stark truth as my good friend Barack.”
It has been rumored that CaveGuy has also been in serious contention for first place at the Boston Marathon because he has been thinking about running and getting in shape at some undisclosed time in the future.
And soon it is expected that CaveGuy will also win the coveted green jacket at Augusta by being awarded and recognized as the winner of the Master’s Golf Tournament for his “extraordinary efforts” at “resetting” his golf game.
Many have noted that CaveGuy’s golf game sucks and he can’t drive the ditch on the Hideout’s very own Hole-2. But, he was been taking very serious his short game and should have some real results soon and so it only seems reasonable that the green jacket deservedly go to him.
CaveGuy also posted on his Web-Site this prepared statement regarding his recent golf outing over Thanksgiving, which resulted in him being late for Thanksgiving Dinner at Grandmas.
“This situation is my fault, and it’s obviously embarrassing to my family and me. I’m human and I’m not perfect. I will certainly make sure this doesn’t happen again.”
His wife used his seven-iron to remove the back window from CaveGuy’s Toyota Yaris and threatened to conduct anatomical alterations of a serious nature to help remind CaveGuy if necessary.
CaveGuy declined and thought perhaps water-boarding might be more easily endured. Turbo released a statement saying he “Does not want to be associated with ‘that man’. That this has happened before and will probably happen again and is probably just a defect in his character; but he hopes that they can remain friends since he always brings me doggy-bones.”
So it is with our usual brevity and economy of words that experienced newspaper men have honed to perfection and that this particular column is noted for, that we are also advertising for the public record that CaveGuy is turning 50 this week and although he refuses to pander or otherwise be obsequious to his readers; he will be accepting cinnamon rolls or chocolate chip cookies with nuts from anyone that wants to congratulate him on his nearly winning the Boston Marathon and the Master’s Tournament.
We at the Record want to recognize CaveGuy for being awarded the NoBull Piece Prize for his “extraordinary efforts” that could produce clearly demonstrable results some time in the not too distant future and for his “extraordinary efforts to strengthen” quality journalism for nearly ten years by attempting to write something useful, informative, or humorous for people with clearly too much time on their hands if they are still reading this column.