So how do I know that I am getting older? There are lots of tell-tale signs that you are getting older.
Perhaps the one with the most sting is that you are invisible to young people. Yup; you heard me right. You become invisible to young people, they don’t look at you, acknowledge you, or even know you are present and lots of times they can’t even hear you.
Of course, teachers have known this forever. As one kid looks at his friend and says, “I really wish that lady at the front of the class would shut up. I can’t even carry on a conversation with my friends… who is she anywaze?”
Besides being invisible, there are some that go to the other extreme; that is when they glare you off with the “What are looking at old-man-pervert-psycho-roll-their-eyes-in-the-head-look.”
I know that you probably think that is a pretty complicated look; but most communication is body language and that is what it looks like to me.
The look from teenage boys is slightly different. They run right over you and merely say, “Sorry gramps…didn’t see ya there…dude.” Which is the truth of the matter, they didn’t see you. You are invisible. Hey, I have super powers, I am invisible.
The other way that I know that I am getting older is that you start getting injured while in your sleep. You wake up with a sore neck or a pain in your hip. The very worst is when you shoot up in bed screaming because you get a killer “Charlie-horse”…while sleeping.
How embarrassing is that? There is no pride in this. Once you start getting injured in your sleep, it is probably very soon that one day you just quit breathing. When the coroner inspects you, he probably says, “You know it looks like it was just too much trouble to breathe, so he quit.”
But there I am in bed sleeping, dreaming of sugar plums or prunes or something and next minute I am writhing in bed holding my hamstring and it is a real injury. I have to limp around for hours.
What could I have possibly been doing that I pulled a hamstring in my sleep… running to the fridge in my sleep? I was probably running the Sleep Olympics.
Can you imagine how embarrassing it is to have to explain to your friends or spouse how you got hurt? “Well it was like this, I was drooling on my pillow snoring and I thought I could fly, and then all of a sudden I got a Charlie-horse… dude, serious it hurt.”
There are a host of other things that remind me that I am getting old. I used to be annoyed at old people that looked out of their curtains at me and my friends when we wuz hanging. Now, I am the first to sign up for Neighborhood Watch.
And I know I used to think it was cute when I went around town smashing pumpkins for Halloween; now I want all kids caught doing that prosecuted or at least doing community service.
There are so many things that remind me that I ain’t what I used to be. Sometimes I feel like I am not that old; then I walk by the mirror and do a double take at the old guy that looks like my dad.
One other way I know that I am getting old is when I look at people and I say something like “Well, there goes a nice young lady” as she drives away in her mini-van with four kids in it.
If you are driving a mini-van and have four kids, trust me you are not as young as your mind is trying to convince you so quit dressing like you’re 16 years old.
The other day at lunch, and I am not making this up, someone asked if we needed a “senior discount”. I looked at the person I was at lunch with and thought, “They don’t look that old”. Then it dawned on me and I wanted to just go back to being invisible.