Battle of Wits - AI versus the Caveguy 

 There has been a lot of press coverage about AI (artificial intelligence) lately.  And it seems everyone is concerned about how AI might take over the world and make some jobs obsolete as AI can do the job faster, better, never call in sick or want a raise. 
 I was expressing my concerns that I might be replaced at the newspaper by AI.  My too kind and loving wife looked up over her glasses and said, “Oh don’t worry I can’t imagine anything intelligent competing with you.  If you are going to have a battle of wits with AI you might need to get some bullets.  You think you are packing heat, but your six-shooter is more like a pea shooter.  But don’t worry Jesus loves you.” 
 I am exasperated.  “No.  You don’t understand.  AI can write grammatically correct school reports, give sound financial advice, and provide useful factual information.  How can I compete with that?”  
 She continues, “Well you got a point.  Sound financial advice and grammatically correct useful factual information isn’t exactly your forte.” 
 My too kind and loving wife just doesn’t get it.  So, I downloaded ChatGPT and ChatKGB to try them out.  I soon learned ChatKGB wanted to ask all the questions and sounded threatening when I wouldn’t answer.  But the other AI programs provided answers to most of my questions but prefaced everything with a disclaimer.  But my battle of wits against AI was on. 
 I thought I would start with something easy like asking for financial advice since people are always asking me what my next money-making scheme is. 
 The AI program replied, “As an AI language model, I cannot provide financial or investment advice. Various factors can influence the stock market, such as political events, economic indicators, industry trends, and unexpected events. Therefore, it’s crucial to conduct thorough research, including analyzing financial reports, market trends, and consulting with financial experts before making any investment decisions.” 
 Last time Bubba asked me for financial advice I told him.  “Chickens.  Buy some chickens.”  Now that is straight forward good advice with no gobbledygook disclaimers. 
 So I asked AI if having Pepsi and Almond M&Ms as the base of my food pyramid is going to be a problem for me later in life. 
 AI responded, “Pepsi contains high amounts of sugar and caffeine which can have negative health effects when consumed in excessive amounts. Almond M&Ms, on the other hand, contain sugar and saturated fats. Consuming these products on a regular basis can lead to weight gain, tooth decay, and other health problems.” 
 This AI thing sounds too much like my too kind and loving wife.  Besides what does “excessive” and “regular” mean. Besides in Tonga I think they will like me a little chubbier. 
 I thought I should ask if taking a nap is good for you.  AI reported back, “Yes, taking a nap can be good for you. Napping can help improve your mood, increase alertness, improve memory, boost creativity, and reduce stress. However, it is important to note that the quality and duration of your nap can affect its benefits. Aim for a nap that lasts between 20 and 30 minutes, as longer naps can leave you feeling groggy or interfere with your nighttime sleep.” 
 Well at least we agreed on something. 
 I decided that I would ask AI if I was happily married.  AI responded, “As an AI language model, I cannot provide a definitive answer to this question as happiness is subjective, and people’s experiences and perceptions of marriage vary widely. Some studies suggest that marriage can bring happiness and satisfaction to individuals, while others suggest that it may lead to stress and dissatisfaction in some cases. Ultimately, happiness in a marriage depends on factors such as communication, mutual respect, and shared values and interests.” 
 Last time I asked my too kind and loving wife if I was happily married, she didn’t even look up over her glasses, but responded.  “Of course, you are.  You married me, didn’t you?” 
 I continued to quiz AI down and asked for a good dad joke.  AI responded with, “How do you tell the difference between a bull and a cow?  It is either one or the udder!”   
 I asked AI to write me a funny article about marriage.  AI responded with: 
 “Marriage, the union of two souls, is often romanticized as a blissful journey filled with love and laughter. However, any married individual would know that reality can be quite different.” 
 Oh, come on, reality can be quite different.  My too kind and loving wife thought I was a handsome prince, I told her I was a toad.  She is such an optimist…kissed me every day since. Here I am…ribbit. 
 AI continued, “Once you have found your partner, the adventure truly begins. Adjusting to each other’s quirks and habits can be a source of amusement.” 
 One person’s quirks are another person’s “irreconcilable differences”.  That cute way she chews and pops her gum will be the same reason that you will finally crack and soon be singing the Cell Block Tango from the musical Chicago, “He had it comin’, He only had himself to blame, If you’d have been there, If you’d have heard it, I betcha you would have done the same.” 
 AI rambles on, “Lastly, there is the inevitable aging process that comes with marriage. Grey hair, wrinkles, and the likes can be a source of humor for couples. One may tease the other about their newfound wrinkles or hair loss, and it can be a way to find humor and joy in the changes that come with growing old together.” 
 My advice is to never mention anything to a woman about age, weight, or wrinkles.  But stupid is as stupid does so feel free to tease your spouse about her age, weight and wrinkles.  I will look for your name in the obituaries and your spouse’s name in the police blotter. 
 AI summed it up.  “All in all, marriage can lead to some of the funniest moments in life. The ups and downs, the quirks and habits, the arguments, and the aging – all add to the joy and laughter of being married. While marriage is not always easy, finding the humor in it can make it all worthwhile.”  Amen.

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