Fact, Opinion, Ignorance, Stupidity

“You know I am not as dumb as you think I am.” 
My too kind and loving wife looks over her glasses and replies, “I am usually a pretty good judge of character, but for the sake of this discussion please continue.  I would love to see where this is going.”
“Exactly!  I got this email from a Prince in Yemen and he says that he is trying to help out poor unpublished writers because he made a promise to his dying sister who was also a writer to help others and that he would like to send me $50,000 and all he needs is a little information so he can send the money to the right place and he is hopeful that I will soon be a successful handsome novelist.”
I continue, “He also assured me this wasn’t a scam, and I could Google his foundation, or I could ask his brother-in-law who is also well known, and who would have guessed, also a Prince and has a business card and he is also helping other people by sending them free money.”
My too kind and loving wife says to me, “Let’s play a little game here.  I will give you some definitions and you see if any apply. 
“A fact is information minus emotion.  An opinion is information plus experience.  Ignorance is an opinion lacking information.  And stupidityis an opinion that ignores a fact.  Which of these do you think might apply in this scenario?”
She loves to play games like this.  She was a teacher you know.  It is like a story problem in math except way harder. 
Which reminds me. My sister-in-law is a math teacher and she once asked me to pick her up at the airport and I asked her what time I needed to be there. 
She replied, “Well let’s see if we can have some fun with this real-life math problem.  I leave at 10 a.m. and will be flying at 450 mph going west and you will be in a car headed east driving 65 mph and you will need three bathroom breaks of 10 minutes each. 
“Let’s assume you don’t get lost.  And don’t forget to factor in that I started on EST and you are on MST and it is daylight savings.  So, what time do you need to leave to pick me up?”
She lost me as soon as she started talking, apparently that is her superpower.  But to be fair, I have a long history of tuning out teachers, I dunno. 
I mutter, “Are you flying your broom or in a plane and wouldn’t it be easier to just look on the “arrival board” or her flight itinerary?” 
But she is a math teacher, and she likes to make sure that when a kid says, “When will I ever use this in real life?” that she will be able to report that she used it just the other day.  It’s hard to have so many teachers in your life.
Anywaze, back to my story about getting to be a successful handsome novelist. 
I go through what I know with my too kind and loving wife.  “First the fact is that this is urgent as there are a limited number of people the Prince can help. 
“Second, my opinion is that this could be my big break.  I ain’t ignorant as the email he sent had lots of good information. 
“And stupid is as stupid does and getting free money seems like a pretty smart thing to do.”
But she made me Google “phishing”.  So after a little study I found out that the fact is Americans lost nearly $10 billion to internet scams. 
The most common were phishing expeditions with over 300,000 victims losing $52 million.
I had to stop right there and call Bubba.  “Bubba what do you know about phishing?” 
He replies, “Well pretty much everything there is to know about fishing.  
“Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.” 
I interupt, “Bubba pay attention. I am talking about phishing.” 
“Well so wuz I.” 
“Not fishing I mean phishing.” 
“You been hitting the sauce again Cave Guy?”  I hang up.
Turns out phishing, not to me confused with fishing, is where someone sends you an email, text, and or telephone call and acts like legitimate company requesting personal and financial information and usually wants money. 
Of course, I immediately thought of the government.
So now my opinion is that we can’t remain ignorant; this kind of fraud hits us all.  And don’t be stupid, you cannot ignore that this happens every day to all of us…even to my too kind and loving wife who claims she is a pretty good judge of character.
Fortunately, she recently narrowly escaped a phishing expedition because she always wants the facts. 
I can’t count the number of fishing expeditions she has ruined by asking me for facts, like those should matter. 
She is always quoting some dead guy like John Adams, like I am supposed to know who that even is, “Facts are stubborn things; and whatever may be our wishes, our inclinations, or the dictates of our passion, they cannot alter the state of facts and evidence.”
She looks skeptical.  But she knows how much I like free money. 
But it can’t any dumber than the government giving me free money that they took from me to begin with and try to convince me that they are stimulating the economy and I should vote for them because they are giving me back the money, they stole from me to start with. 
The fact is that it is my opinion they must think I am ignorant and stupid.  Hmmm!
My too kind and loving wife suggests that perhaps I should sleep on it and see if I am still inclined to send the Prince all of my bank account numbers, social security number and my mother’s maiden name all of which I keep safe and sound on a yellow sticky-note stuck to the side of my computer.  A nap sounds like a good idea maybe I can dream about fishing.

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